ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh

Ok, break in productivity.

This shit drives me up a wall:
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/07/princeton-mom-sold-a-self-help-book.html
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/03/princeton-mom-to-all-students-find-a-husband.html
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/03/qa-princeton-mom-wishes-she-married-classmate.html
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/04/forget-sexism-princeton-mom-is-a-raging-elitist.html

Basically another article about women should concentrate on marriage and kids and it is SO SAD that we are throwing this in a garbage can for career, etc.

Ok, I call bullshit.

Almost all happiness or whatever studies show that children cause a drop in happiness, and women who marry later with more education are less likely to be divorced. They are also much more likely to be wealthy.

Now, does this mean that women who want to marry earlier and want to have kids shouldn't??! NO!! I mean, I'd think about it if you're REALLY young, but even so, its your life.  You know about it, and your life is different from statistics. My parents got married when they were 21 and they are very happy now still, so I mean, who knows?

Your social connections are the main determinant of happiness as well as your financial situation. But that's still not all. Further, should you chase 'happiness'? Maybe, maybe not. I personally think happiness is overrated as a goal. I want to be a musician -- I want to create new things with it. This path is not maximized for happiness.

And ya, I'd think more seriously about children if it didn't mean a really serious blow against my career goals. But it does. And I'd definitely make some compromises for a life partner, but not in order to bring in new life into the world.

Plus, life partners are usually somewhat self-sufficient. And its one thing to enter into a commitment where someone could possibly very very MAYBE have a brain injury, etc. that renders them incapacitated and needing to be cared for.  It is another to be entering into a situation where the person you are in a relationship with DEFINITELY won't be self-sufficient for 18+ years. Plus, the anxiety. OMFG, the anxiety. My sister was in a coma for 3+ weeks after a car accident, and that was so fucking scary.  Plus, I DID feel responsible for her (lots of reasons for this).  And its not like you can control what children do -- eventually they WILL put themselves in dangerous situations.  Horrible things happen to people ALL the time. It is a lot of stress to feel responsible for a person that you don't really have control over. I mean, when they are younger you will have more control, but that doesn't last so long. And you have to allow them SOME freedom.

And the reality is that there is not societal support for having children -- it is an expectation that someone (usually the woman) takes a shit ton of time off work... etc. And power to women that are willing to make that sacrifice but I can't imagine taking that much time away from my music career. Hell, I've decided to wait to have a DOG.

Anyways, I'm 33, and I haven't found it that hard to date people, ever. It is definitely easier than dating in college bc I have so much more social skills, etc. And, ya, someday I'd like to get married, but I'm not gonna put a deadline on it or anything. And I'm not waiting the perfect guy to settle down or anything. In fact, I've thought I've found the 'perfect guy' 3-4 times to be honest. One time I was DEFINITELY 100% WRONG ... SO glad dodged that bullet, etc (ironically the one time I was actually engaged). but the others, I dunno it is very specific why they didn't work out. And hey, I'm not single now, so who knows? I can't put a lot weight on everything, although I am more willing to compromise in terms of career things than when I was 25, etc.

Being a spinster with a ton of dogs doesn't sound so bad to me. Just as long as I have a good friends and I don't have any regrets, esp. about music.

So FUCK all these articles about how I should be desperate about finding a man.  (Or, I guess trying to marry the one I have, etc.)  I can't believe how fucking condescending they are.

Oh, ya, and that women's elitist bullshit is fucking elitist, too. LOL. (from the article)