if you practice, you will get better.

So, somehow I came across, again more and more responses to Amy Chua's article. I don't actually want to address her article but some of the rebuttals. One them was that, "some children are just naturally gifted at music", and pushing others that weren't would just be useless. Apart from people that actually have some form of amusia (which is, by reports, actually very rare), I'm pretty sure that most people have the capacity to be decent, if not insanely wonderful musicians. You (or, I do!) hear a lot of people talk about music as if it is this crazy inborn talent people have that was given to them by magical fairies.

No, it is not.

You see, the people who are wonderful musicians do this thing: practice. And they have done it a LOT. And they practice the right way, which is, often, working on things that they failed at before and can't do now. It isn't playing the easy stuff over and over. Well, there are entire books and schools of thought on how to practice the right way, but let me suffice to say: practice, it makes the difference. (AND it makes a different HOW you practice)

Now, I'm not saying there isn't natural talent and so forth. But even people with natural talent need to practice, especially to attain a high level of musicianship. That goes for composers and songwriters, too. They practice; they (we) do it a lot.

So, yes, I believe that 100% of developmentally normal kids would be awesome pianists (or whatever) if they practiced three or more hours a day since the time they were five. (and if you want to be a professional, you'd better double those hours when you get older) Of course, among those kids, some will be better than others, and even then it'd be hard to say whether its nature or nurture... Usually, it requires self-motivation and intense love of music/playing and probably ambition, not a parent looking over your shoulder, but it is practice practice practice that makes the difference.

Crossposted on facebook. Yes, facebook.

grad school trauma and more more more

So, I am on the waiting list for Florida University and I'm on the waiting list for a Teaching Assistantship at ASU. Blah. I mean, I think that means I'm probably an admit for ASU, but my funding is the thing up in the air. But I don't know since I haven't gotten notice of an acceptance... I'm waiting list girl. Still, this is better than how I was doing at this point last year, but I still feel pretty depressed about everything. Still waiting for my dream school, I guess... which I think I have a chance at since I was waiting list there last year, but I still have a pretty good change of NOT getting in. BLAH. Think I'm getting a reject from Brown sometime this week (yuck) and frankly... I'm wondering if I actually have a chance at UCSD. That would be weird.

I want UVA though. SO bad. FLA would not be bad either -- Paul Koonce is there, plus in the South. I hear Gainsville is funky/cool. So, those are my first choices (UVA is by far where I want to go...)...but ASU might be fun... even if Arizona seems like a totally bizarre place for me to live. On the up side, I checked and there's a contact improvisation jam there. I still need to check for the tango scene. (Charlottesville has a tango society and it is close enough to DC... but no local contact improv, but could go to either DC or Richmond one...(in theory) or maybe UVA has one that's not on the list). It is depressing how little dance places other than NYC have. Like, people! Go out dancing guys!

In other news, Justin & I got into the ExiTrip thing and I went and got the ExiTrips. Now I'm gonna start booking things bc I have to. Argh. Hate hate hate booking. Got a dancer from another project I'm working on interested in it... The couple doing the ExiTrip thingy were very nice, and after I left I wondered if I came off as either crazy and/or completely pretentious / contentious. For some reason I went off against multiple speakers and etc. Which, while yes, I'm totally skeptical about, why was I ranting about this and being negative etc. to nice people I had just met. I need like, a wristband that shocks me when I start to get inappropriate.

In other news, I finally am starting to feel like I am actually getting better at accordion due to the insane amount of practicing I've been doing. Still... I always feel like maybe I'm not practicing enough. I'm going to practice post-rehearsal tonight since today was a wash -- have done nothing. Will probably study Spanish on the way there.

My robot has stalled, though I have the solenoids, I just need to experiment. I needz to book something, I think. Gah. Maybe tomorrow I will take a few hours and send emails out, finally.

Btw, my roommate & I's I-Park project proposal was kickass. The most kickass proposal evah. So, there.

update robots, accordion

So, got the solenoid working with the Arduino, and realized that was not the solenoid I was looking for. So, I've placed an order for three more different types (don't worry they are SO CHEAP). Holy crap they are a power drain, though. I learned how to wire my batteries in a series circuit so as to increase the voltage. Go me. (It is laughable how much little about electronics I actually know)

Also, had yet another productive practice session. The metronome is the best invention ever, btw. I need to start learning another intermediate/easy piece, I think. I'm also... putting Libertango to the metronome before I starting learning more measures of it. I did that a lot today, with much success, hands separate. Hands apart... not so much. Also, yesterday I went on a sheet music buying SPREE. I was liiiiike: Sheet music? YAYA! I bought three books: one for French accordion music, one for Irish Trad (written by a former teacher!), and one with 10 Astor Piazzolla tangos... Ye-ah, I need to get some easier tangos to play. There was the 'Easy Tango' book but ehhhh I didn't want dumbed down versions...

My roommate and I are going to apply for the i-Park residency. I have no idea what project we might propose but hey! it would be totally fun if we got it.

discouraged, drinking wine... over-practicing

well... so I haven't done so much on my list. I have done (1) & (5) and started on (4) & (7).

I've never read any music/composer blogs where people publicly doubt their own talents and capabilities (tho, I have seen a lot of: its the MAN that's keeping me down...even from clearly established composers)... I'm sure that they exist. So yes, sometimes, often lately, I feel that my chosen path in life is completely futile. So, getting that nth rejection, it really stings.

Further, I'm tired of people telling me to buck up, especially people who have hardly ANY experience in receiving the sort of constant rejections that I experience. Let me just say: Fuck y'all*, you don't understand. Forgive my regression into teenage-hood but I think there's something VERY true that most non-musician/artists just won't understand. Truly, I don't know how to communicate how people brushing off this sort of thing (who clearly don't have experience with it) makes me feel murderous.

I seem to be practicing the accordion almost pathologically lately. I'm not sure if this is my goal or not: to practice four or more hours a day. I mean, it is better than binging on sf&f tv shows and so forth, but my end goal is to be a composer** not a accordionist. Notice how I haven't composed in the past month. However, I am a better player than I was a month ago, so I mean, maybe I should just see it positively. Also, there is something about introducing the metronome into the daily practice routine that really causes me to practice like an insane person. I'm not sure what it is. I hope I'm not the world's most annoying roommate.

I think I should really do the one-woman cabaret thing again plus my robots and really, you know, tour/perform hardcore but. It is pretty exhausting. I dread the booking / promotion I mean, not the actual performing. I wish I had a musician I could force to go with me and do stuff. I suppose I could probably recruit my violinist friend for doing all his web stuff. Hmm. I mean, I could also form a group but I mean, since I'm already part of a big collab dance thing for April performances I need a project where I am a complete dictator. That's just how I roll, man. Maybe. But yah, I need an outlet for me me me me music / ideas.


*on purpose, to show evidence that I am Southern

**composer / digital artist / performer -- I mean, the problem is that "composer" seems very restrictive (just dealing in notes / sound ) but clearly I'm interested in building robots, musical interface, the performance aspect, dance, embodiment as well... but it is all from a musical perspective more or less rooted in western art music (ok, other stuff, too). But I mean, I read composers saying that they are interested in embodiment who clearly don't see it as an imperative to do more than write trad. scored music, so. GAH, this is so trivial: I'm stopping.

as I slip further and further behind, yay?

SoooOOOooOoOOO...

What am I NOT behind on? I keep on procrastinating on booking a show(s) for robot et. al. Dunnoz. I want to have a show but I don't want to run one / promote / etc. I have some stuffz for robot but I'm missing some crucial pieces I need in order to start. Dumb things like resistors and transistors... its even possible I could just get the missing things from le Radio Shaque, but still dubious since the Radio Shack consistently impresses me with it's immense suck-age.

On the plus side, I'm in a Spanish class, yay! And I'm doing this dance-collab thing. And I'm muddling through a php website thingy for the possibility of $$$. I'm also practicing accordion a lot... which means at some point I may get better? One hopes!

On the negative, I've been terrible about looking for jobs. Gah.

Things to do:
1. Write proposal for FM project with Justin (ASAP, as deadline is Feb. 15)
2. Bring recording equipment while traveling on subway to class... as could start subway project.
3. Book show(s). Write those damn emails GAH. KTHXBAI.
4. Start stretching again!
5. Go to Wed. tango, as I keep telling myself I will...as I have paid for it... but haven't gah.
6. Get missing parts for robot and start that.
7. Get the proximity sensor werkin'. Yah yah.

post-application

I guess we'll see. Its hard to figure out my next moves for some reason. I think I should probably start on the second robot...probably.

I'm going to be working with dancers, again. First rehearsal is tonight.

I think I need my own project, though... and need a day-job.

I've started to learn Irish folk songs... First one, Bedlam Boys... then, 'whiskey before breakfast'...

update on grad school messessssssssss

I am almost finished with applications. Last is this damn UCSD application which demands two writing samples. The first one is easy: my thesis. But the last time I wrote a lot of papers was in undergrad, now almost ten years ago. Although, I think my Shostakovich paper could have been great for this... partly since it contrasts with the experimental nature of my thesis. GAH. But I just realized that I wrote a paper about the dsp involved in my 'balancing act' piece... I have to download Open Office again to read it... but I have it, at least.

Hopefully this one will work out, because then I might start have to use my reader's response papers to the biomusicology class last semester @ Dartmouth, and basically consist of rants. At the very least, I'm not making any real arguments or taking any positions I have to back up... DSP papers tend to be pretty cut and dry. I did just re-read one of the biomusicology papers (Miller, G. F. (2000). Evolution of human music through sexual selection. In N. L. Wallin, B. Merker, & S. Brown (Eds.), The origins of music, MIT Press, pp. 329-360.) and damn if it doesn't still make me see red.

This process is hella exhausting. But part of it is my fault. I finished and recorded four accordion parts for "Origami Cranes" -- aka. the origami piece. It turned out better than I thought it would at first. It turns out that piece really needs practice before you perform it. Associating pitch with color did NOT come naturally to me.... although the rhythm part was relatively straight-forward. I think it would take even more practice to be able to sightread it and create the music on-the-fly as per my original vision (this is still an option in the score).

I also re-recorded the dancing chair robot and spliced that footage with my previous performance. Its a reel that lasts for about a minute. It was a bit of work, but I wasn't extremely picky... the sound conditions for the second recording were abysmal, though. So much feedback.

Also, everything takes longer than you think, it seems...

Even though I desperately want to get in one, I fucking hate grad programs right now.

No, I haven't done anything for a next project. Talk to me after this is DONE.