it seems like there are different phases I go through in regards to my work:
1. Just got an opportunity of some kind, performance, etc. that I have to start coming up with ideas for. This is probably the least stessful time, as I like coming up with ideas, esp. for something that already has an outlet, etc. that I don't have to do an excessive amount of administration / promotion for by myself. I think about random stuff a lot.
2. In the middle of developing a work that already has a performance date, etc. Also, not that stressful unless I convince myself that I'm behind on things. I am relatively focused, and able to keep up some with other part of my life, such as sleeping, paying bills, social life / obligations, being productive at the dayjob.
3. Right before a performance. Unless my shit is really together and I actually believe this (yes, this has happened a few times), this can get somewhat stressful. Depending on the project, I could start to code nonstop, I can't sleep, I lose the ability to concentrate on dayjob stuff, bills, what bills? paperwork, what? I probably can't see my bedroom's floor... I am easily startled, easily distracted, easily alarmed, find it hard to think abstractly. I start to spend lots of money on extra parts and cables, etc. I may or may not need...
4. Post-performance. No matter how well something went, I get kinda depressed afterwards for a few weeks unless I already have something immediately lined up that requires attention. I miss that feeling of purpose and structure... I may start to take dance classes compulsively, cook large meals, read an inordinate amount of genre urban fantasy, etc. Or instead of depression, I have become very social (for me).
5. Applying for a shitload of things, booking a tour (or just a few shows, one show whatever... Anxiety, depression, ennui! Oh, how can I make it seem like I fit what they want? Should I do this? Should I do that? Can I actually find enough performers for this one? Is this really a good place to present this or that? Hi, procrastination., awesome to see you again. Feel a little blah (or a lot) until I get something. Argh, blah.
6. Producing something on my own. Ack, stress! This requires that I utilize skills which require lots of effort for me: promotion, managing / scheduling other people, getting out a zilion things on time, writing a lot of emails, trying to be early to things, trying to be organized / organizing others. This trumps most situations in stress, except for if I spend an excessive amount of time not actually working on a project which is sorta like the stress of being unemployed I guess. (at first it can be a relief but then it grows horrible gradually)
Guess which stage I'm in! (4&5) So, the amount I've done on those to-do items is pretty damn pitiful. Eek. I did buy some robot parts but I forgot to buy the RF receiver. Oh well. I actually haven't applied for that many things yet, but I spent most of the time finding opps, looking at deadlines, and etc. I did finish an app to SEAMUS coz its in Miami this year. Usually, its in the middle of freaking nowhere and I'm like... I'm not paying money to be in this coz this conference is already on my C.V. and I don't want to go to Indiana to listen to tape music. But Miami could be fun. Anyways, lots of stuff lately, fall is riddled with deadlines. I also scoured the internet for new places to play that might be friendly to a bizarre-ish line-up (flamenco piece, video piece, origami piece) but I failed. Maybe The Tank will take this one... since my hunt for places turned up a bit dry... I mean, partly I'm just not sure how to sell the show... which maybe I should just try and do all those pieces separately but blah blah blah... why not all at once? It would be about 45ish min of playing time ( 15min + 17min + 10min(?? ) ), which is a lot for moi, but that still leaves a lot of room to schedule other artists with me I think and I want my flamenco and origami pieces PERFORMED in real-time, yoz.
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